There is a cardinal rule in life, and it applies to everyone…
Rule #1: Always Be The Smartest Person In The Room
It’s Pretty Simple
I’ve come to realize that the first rule in any facet of life is to be the smartest and most diligent individual in a given situation. This is best represented as a rule I like to follow, and I will attribute it onto your lives: always be the smartest person in the room, or better yet, any scenario. This is a rhetorical statement – it does not literally mean “be smarter than everyone else.” Rather, it means being clear-headed in every moment you experience and every encounter you make.
It will save you a lot of trouble in the long run if you adapt this mentality. I had a person who eventually became a client (let’s call her “Sandy”) who once asked me at a workshop I put together: “How do I be the closest to perfect I can possibly get?” My response was just that: “be the person who remains vigilant and level-headed in every situation, and know what battles to pick; know your enemies well; culminate your friendships with great poise; and make sure you are always prepared for the worst, even in a situation where you have no idea how to handle it.
There is a concept in marketing called “perceived value.” When Toyota found that most consumers wanted safer cars, they installed a small piece of aluminum that was about a 1/4 inch thick in size. This was placed in the shaft the door lock is located, making it so when the lock closed, it sounded “heavier.” This 10-cent-a-piece aluminum piece gave the impression that the car doors were safer on a very deep psychological level, leading people to pay up to $3,000 more for a car that was deceptively “safer,” even though it was a trick. Toyota never touched the locks; they just added a sense of safety by incorporating a way to make you think the locks are safer…
My point is this: if you walk into a room, you need to own everything and everybody in it; the world is yours; you are the best. If you talk like you are the best, think that you are the best, and know that you are the best, who will ever say otherwise? People have a natural tenacity to cower in new situations, but if you can begin to incorporate perceived value into your daily routine, you will fine that your confidence soars! You will be the person who everyone wants to talk to; you will be the person who everybody sees as an authority figure.
Do not scare them, mind you, but own the room!
Don’t Be Rude
This does not mean show off. Thinking and acting and talking like you are the (s-word) on a daily basis means you are allowing your nervous system to adjust to the idea of consistency in your levels of confidence and self-esteem. However, a lot of people take this idea and think that it means be rude or obnoxious, or even arrogant. That is a big “no-no,” as no one ever wins in life by being a jerk. Make sure you are kind, polite, and dignified. However, also remember that you are the best of the best, and if you can do this with every new situation you encounter, soon the neurons begin to adapt to this new way of thinking.
The nervous system will alter itself.
Next thing you know, you will find you do not even need to think about it; it will come naturally to you. The nervous system is a complex creature, and it is always adapting to new things. This does include your outlook on life. If you begin to think confidently on a consistent basis, the neurons in your prefrontal cortex will develop, which is where the epicenter of human emotion and self-image functions. After a few weeks or months of consistent confidence – thinking and acting and talking like you own the world, in a manner that does not corrupt your humanity – you will find that it comes naturally. Take my advice on this, because I always had low self-esteem. Since I began to adapt this new mentality into my life, it has become second nature.
Do What You Say…
Actions speak louder than words, so remember that if you truly want to obtain a new level of confidence and self-esteem, you need to be able to back it up. If you are going to talk to people as if you rule the world, you must have proof! Talk is cheap, as they say, and though you can B.S. your way through the process on some level, you must also be wary of why you are so confident. So, think about the three top items in your repertoire that you feel you are the most proficient in, and begin to use that as your background. If you are going to be engaging in confident behavior, have a reason for it; back it up with fact!
How do you do this? Let us use an example: you are a musician and you have a new “album” releasing (I use this as a broad example because this is honestly the one area I feel that no one should be cocky about, as everyone has an album coming out!), and you are trying to incorporate that sense of confidence into your life. You are an expert in music but you do not have an album to show for it yet; you do not have the music made. Your best bet here is to avoid talking about what you do and what you are good at. Instead, exaggerate a bit.
…& Say What You Do
Rather than saying: “I’m a musician,” reword it.
Instead, say: “I own a company that specializes in music and audio production.” See what I just did there? You are not lying – you are the owner of a company that “specializes in music and audio production.” If you are the owner of an unsuccessful business that makes candles, say: “I own a startup operation that develops and sells a vast array of aroma therapy products.” Do you? Maybe not, but they won’t know that…
Maybe you just make candles, yes, but remember to reword things that provide that sense of “perceived value” we discussed. Do not lie, but I will be honest: stretching the truth will both give you a legup when people begin to wonder why you are so poised and confident; it will also begin to adjust the nervous system to believe that this is what you do. Essentially, a simple musician in his basement can suddenly become a producer or an entrepreneur rather than someone creating their first album with little-to-no previous success. In turn, this will not only show people who you are worth talking to; it will also provide you intrapersonal motivation to do exactly what you said you are.
And suddenly the musician becomes the owner of a record company.
I won’t stretch this one out. I will simply conclude by saying, the best of us walk around with our heads held high, and we may do this by simply rewording something. It is not lying (never lie) and it is not being arrogant (never behave arrogantly). Rather, it is a method that does two things: 1) it provides perceived value, and 2) it begins to rearrange and duplicate the neuronal pathways we all possess in our brains so that the confidence you feel when you say that simple alteration in wording becomes second nature; it becomes the same as breathing, and you will do it without being consciously aware of it. This wraps up my daily blog. Comment on what you think!